The Left Lane - Love and Marriage

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Horse and Carriage

It wasn’t what I expected. Marriage, that is.

I met my wife Iris almost four years ago in Regensburg, Germany. We’ve been together for about three years, both in the United States and here in Germany. I thought to myself: you meet, you fall in love, you get married— end of story. You know, just like in the fairy tales.

I was wrong.

Shortly after our marriage (a civil ceremony) I called my friend, whom I’ll refer to as “Bob”. “Bob” asked me if it felt different, now that we were married. I had to say, “yes.” It is different once you’re married, in a way I hadn’t expected.

I think the keyword here is: commitment. Before you get married, birds sing everywhere you go, flowers are always in bloom, and the fragrance of “love” is in the air.

After marriage, you have to decide which toothpaste is best, what to make for dinner that night, and why we have to visit the in-laws. When you’re making the bed in the morning, there are no rose petals to sweep away— just dirty laundry in the corner to be washed.

It’s here where the word “love” morphs into one of its true meaning: “commitment.” Love isn’t just gazing into the other’s eyes. It’s also about being there when the other is sick. It’s talking to each other when you have an argument.

Love is so much more than just an emotion. It’s a decision. It’s about serving the other. It’s about honor and respect. Love is not just Victoria Secrets lingerie, although that can’t hurt.

And it’s in marriage that brings out all these things about love, and not just because I signed a really long German marriage contract where I’m sure I’m obligated to do all these things (at least, if I knew what it said, I’m sure it would say that). It’s because in marriage, you publicly declare all these to the friends and family and anybody else caring to listen, that a husband and wife believe in this love with all of their hearts.

If this article is a bit too sappy for you, forgive me. The wife is reading over my shoulder so I had to write something nice for once.

(Stayed tuned for Part II, the Un-civilized Marriage Ceremony, coming in May 2003.)

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September 2002

Horse and Carriage