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To quote another club member, “Who the hell signed me up for this!?” Well, she may have said that, or I may have made it up. No matter. In any case, I’m apparently doing the newsletter this month. I want to wish Lori Jo a speedy recovery. That means for the next couple of months I have to fire up the ol’ pulishing software and remember how annoying being editor is.
Sometimes we don’t appreciate the work all of our volunteer members do for the club. Please don’t forget to thank them once in a while. A little appreciation can go a long way. Now, on to our show...
I’ve just started realizing that my favorite radio stations now use the word “classic” in their slogans, like “Classic Grooves” or “Alternative Classics.” I’ve also noticed that I say things like, “well, I guess I don’t have to drive that fast” every once in a while. Little kids now refer to me as “mister.” Yes, these are classic signs of terminal aging.
It didn’t really set in, though, until I bought a new car last winter, a Honda Civic. Being typical male, I immediately started looking for ways to upgrade it, from suspension to engine to fuzzy crystal rearview mirror electronic compass pendant things. I was perusing magazines on the subject one day when a youngin’ walked up to me and asked me what my “ride” was (at least he didn’t call me “mister”). After I told him about the Civic, he mentioned his “Teg” (Integra, I presumed) with the “phat wheelz.” Well, everyone could use a diet once in a while, but I didn’t realize this applied to car parts as well. So after he “shot me a deuce” and went his merry way, I tried to decipher our conversation. Using one of the import car magazines as my Rosetta Stone, I began to learn a few things about my car and the Ways of the Young Riders.
Apparently, I want to “slam” my car. Not too much, mind you. I don’t want to make it a “fat roadie.” I’ll probably swap my “yayas” up front for some “boomers.” I’m not “swigging snails” when I drive it, nor does it have the “chubs,” typical for these cars, but I’d really like it “chow cheese.” I want to keep its appearance stock, not like it’s “drippin’ nuggets.”
I would like to do things to upgrade the engine, but I don’t know all of the lingo yet, so I have to wait awhile. All I know is apparently I don’t really want to “squeeze the bottle,” but rather keep the engine as “JDM” as possible in my “EPB” Civic.
So does this mean that one day, I’m going to show up to an RSR event with my Civic all “riced” up? So low that it’s scraping the ground, with an exhaust tip the size of a sewer pipe, a spoiler large enough to give a 747 pilot wing-envy, and bass thumping from the radio causing nearby oak trees to sway? Luckily, I have no money and have no means of going to such excess.
But I’m sure you’ve seen import cars similar to the one I just described. They’ve probably lined up next to you, windows tinted and vibrating from the rap music coming from the stereo, the driver reclined so low all you see is one hand atop the steering wheel. The import scene (particularly the Japanese) has been pretty hot on both coasts for some time. Sometimes living in the Motor City capital of America, we don’t realize this.
Most of these cars are all show, but don’t be too sure. Drag racing is extremely popular with this crowd, much like in the days of Detroit muscle cars. These drag-racing import drivers will take their front-wheel drive cars, complete with front slicks and skinny little back tires, to the local “1320” and run in the 10-12 second range. For comparison purposes, Car and Driver once tested a 944 Turbo S at 13.9 seconds for the 1/4 mile in 1988.
These import cars use the same tricks that we (or our fathers) used back in the day, such as nitrous oxide, superchargers and turbochargers. If you decide to try and teach one of these youngins’ a lesson at a stop light one day, be careful. You may be in for a surprise.
Finally, I want to give “props” to my friends Bob & Lisa and Cargirl, who have supported my venture into a non-German import ride, and I “shoots a deuce to all yuz out there.”
phat: vertically-challenged person, or something that is really, really cool. I think.
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shot me the deuce: apparently giving someone the peace sign in the 1990s.
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slam: reducing the ride height of a vehicle so as to facilitate ingress/egress of inchworms into the vehicle.
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The Rest: Do we really want to know!?
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| << May 2000<< | >> July 2000>> |
(The BahnStormer is the official newsletter of the Rally Sport Region (Detroit area) of the Porsche Club of America. You can contact the editor at .)
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